The Misadventures of Byleth The Babysitter
by Zeiskyte
Summary: Byleth is a broke sixteen-year-old and her father Jeralt has the perfect job offer for her. / Or: Byleth the babysitter.
1. Byleth's Bizarre Adventure

_A/N: I wanted to write literally anything else but this plot bunny tied me down to my bed, glued my fingers to my keyboard, and held me at gunpoint until it was written. Inspired by babysitter Byleth fanarts by k009comics and doodlerh on tumblr. Pretend Dimitri has his regular pre-timeskip hair cut and Edelgard's hair was always white._

* * *

Byleth, as a broke sixteen-year-old, was just as nervous as she was excited when her father told her of job opportunities. After spending what little money she had on some new clothes and treating herself to a few nice meals here and there, she had been desperately searching for whatever job she could come across. She had always gotten by with allowance from Jeralt, but after her recent splurging, he had decided to reinforce the responsibility that came with money and revoke her allowance. He wanted her to learn that money came from hard work, not binging soap operas and comic books.

Jeralt was the kind of man to work odd jobs to support his family. Mowing lawns, fixing fences, and even taking a part-time job as a construction worker. Byleth recounted ordering a pizza once while at a friend's house and her father being the delivery man. Jeralt did whatever he could to make money to maintain them.

"So what is it this time, dad?" She asked tentatively, slightly afraid of what was going to come out of his mouth. "Am I fixing furniture? Raking up leaves for an elderly woman? Filling in for the mailman?"

"None of that," Jeralt grumbled heartily. He seemed to be amused with whatever job he had found her. There was a tinge of teasing in his voice, like this was all some kind of prank that was about to blow up in her face.

Byleth crossed her arms across her chest, lowering her eyebrows with a slight pout. "Then what is it? You're scaring me."

"If you would be more patient, I would get to it," he assured, but he was still smiling. "While I was filling in at the construction site, a few of the guys there knew I had a daughter and wondered if she was willing to do them a favor."

Her mind raced a mile a minute. What would a bunch of construction workers want her to do? Sew up holes in their work vests? It wasn't even like she could sew-

"And I know how much you _love_ interacting with other people so..." Her father leaned in, draping an arm over her shoulders. She wasn't liking where this was going. He was acting all nice because he was about to drop the bomb on her that she was-

"You're babysitting for their kids starting tomorrow." He leaned back, patting her on the back like she just got a trophy. Perhaps a trophy for having the most miserable reaction in all of history to what should have been happy news.

Byleth, finally putting her emotions into words, let out a huff. "Dad, you know I don't like people. I'm not good with kids. Why couldn't I just mow a lawn or plant some flowers for a neighbor?"

Jeralt put a hand on his hip, a pose that looked odd with his buff stature. "C'mon kiddo, it'll be good for you. Besides," he winked, "babysitting pays well. You wanted a job because you wanted money, so here I am giving you an opportunity on a silver platter. I wouldn't turn it down, if I were you."

Byleth sighed. He was right, but that didn't mean she would like it. She desperately needed the money right now; there was a new book series about to be released in hardcover that she wanted for her collection, so it gave her a light at the end of the tunnel in dealing with a few whiny, bratty kids.

Besides, how bad could they be? She was sure their families would send them with toys to keep them busy. And they would probably play among themselves. Byleth could sit in the other room with a warm cup of coffee, a book in her hands, and her feet put up on the table. It was easy money, as far as she was concerned. She was underestimating herself. This would be a piece of cake.

"Alright, dad," she began with new-found confidence, "leave it to me."

* * *

Byleth didn't realize just how _wrong_ she could be about something.

She had been finishing the makeshift fortress of pillows on the living room floor when there was a knock on the door. Walking over, she hoped the parent wouldn't criticize how terribly unprofessional this all was. She wasn't going to buy baby gates or play mats or whatever else was needed if she was only babysitting for today. She didn't see herself lasting longer than one day.

With a deep breath to reassure herself, she answered the door to a brunette man with more than a few gray hairs sprouted above his ears. She hoped it was stress from work, not whatever child was holding his hand.

"You must be Jeralt's daughter," the man stretched out his hand to her, and Byleth took it with a nod. "He's given you the highest of praises, so I'm sure my dear Edelgard will be in good hands."

As if on cue, Edelgard, who stood to the height of Byleth's hips, moved her other hand to grip onto her father. "Why don't you smile?"

Byleth blanched. She had done it without thinking about it! She had a habit of not showing her emotions and wearing a blank face. Jeralt was used to it and could read her easily, but she had forgotten how off-putting it was to strangers - she must have looked downright inhumane to a child.

She forced a tight-lipped smile, glancing down towards the girl. "I do, I just save it for good little boys and girls."

Deep down, Byleth was cringing. She hated baby talk. Well, Edelgard looked to be elementary school age, so maybe just kiddie talk. Regardless, Byleth hated both.

Snapping her out of her dilemma, Edelgard's father chuckled, ruffling his daughter's hair. "I'm sure you two will get along." He knelt down, placing a kiss on Edelgard's forehead. "Daddy has to go to work now, so be on your best behavior for Miss Byleth, okay?"

Edelgard nodded, silver hair bobbing. Byleth noticed a small red backpack on the girl's back, so hopefully she was sent with toys or food. Hopefully both.

Byleth gave a small wave as the man drove away, goading Edelgard into the house before she shut the door. This was doable so far. Edelgard seemed quiet, so hopefully she would keep to herself. Byleth had a fresh pot of coffee and her newest comic book waiting in the other room, so hopefully the other two kids were the same way.

"So," Byleth began, watching Edelgard shrug off her backpack and take a seat on the floor, "how old are you?"

Edelgard, perhaps a bit sassy for her age, looked up at the teenager with a challenging stare. "Old enough to not need a babysitter."

Byleth blinked. Was this elementary schooler talking back to her? It hadn't even been five minutes since they met! Did all kids have this kind of attitude? ... What had Jeralt gotten her into?

She cleared her throat awkwardly. "I was hoping for an age-"

"Six," the girl said finally, unzipping her backpack. From what Byleth could see from the slit, there was a book in there and a small lunchbox. Thank the goddess. That was one less thing Byleth had to worry about.

There was another knock at the door, but it was quiet and tentative. If Edelgard hadn't been so silent, she might not have heard the knocking in the first place. She glanced from the door to Edelgard. "Hang on just a second..."

Byleth made her way back to the door, opening it with more force than she intended. There was... no one there? Maybe she had just imagined it? Belatedly, she noticed small fingers grabbing at the edge of the door from behind it.

By the goddess, did she hit the kid with the door? This wasn't a good start.

A small boy with hair the color of straw rounded the corner, brushing dirt off his blue shirt and khaki shorts. "Are you Miss Byleth?"

Luckily, he seemed unhurt. But... where were his parents? Edelgard was transferred to her by the girl's father, but there seemed to be no parents around for this boy.

"That would be me," she said finally. "What's your name?"

He smiled brightly, giving her a bow as if he were a prince. "Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd."

Byleth swallowed past the lump that had formed in her throat. This kid had probably read too many picture books about knight's tales. And what were his parents thinking, naming him such a long and formal name like that? Speaking of...

"Dimitri," she couldn't help but notice how he lit up when she said his name, "where are your parents?"

Dimitri blinked up at her, almost seeming confused. "I told them that I wanted to be a big boy and meet you myself!"

Byleth opened her mouth to rebut but realized she had nothing to say to that. His parents would let him leave, all by himself, and walk from wherever they lived to her house? She should be glad that nothing happened to the boy, lest it be blamed on her.

She nodded. "Right... how old are you again?"

"Six!" He put his hands on his hips with a triumphant grin on his face, and Byleth mused that all he was missing was the shining armor and the cape billowing in the wind.

"Your hair looks funny."

Byleth hadn't even noticed Edelgard walking up and standing behind her leg until the girl had spoken. And when she had, Dimitri visibly deflated.

"It does _not_!" He rebutted, narrowing his eyes at the girl.

Edelgard took the challenge wholeheartedly. "Does too!"

Byleth decided it was better to diffuse the situation before they began fighting. "Children, please. Let's at least _try_ to get along before you start fighting."

Dimitri looked up at her with hopeful blue eyes, saw her determined expression, and moved his gaze to his shoes with a pout. "Okay..."

Edelgard stayed silent, but Byleth knew the girl was at least considering what she had said. It was a step in the right direction, at least.

In the silence, Byleth noticed Dimitri wearing a backpack. It was blue and... looked like a lion? She had forgotten that manufacturers still made those kind of things. The bag was kind of cute, actually. Hopefully it had food and toys in it. Byleth had gotten lucky with Edelgard's bag being packed, so maybe that wouldn't be a problem and she was just overthinking things.

Maybe the two kids would sit together and start talking, hopefully keep each other busy. After their first interaction, she had little hope for such a thing, but a girl could dream. Maybe they would warm up to each other and become friends.

The doorbell rang and Byleth nearly sprang to her feet. That must have been the last kid. She glanced back to Edelgard and Dimitri, who sat on her living room floor a fair distance apart and certainly did not look like they would be interacting any time soon. "Don't get too crazy with each other while I'm gone," she teased, but with her blank expression and deadpan, it hardly came across as anything but sarcasm.

Before she could get to the door, the doorbell multiplied in frequency. Whoever was pressing it was now hitting it like a maniac. She heard giggling and a light reprimand from behind the door. Somehow, Byleth knew she was in for a real one-of-a-kind once she opened it.

Twisting the knob and pushing the door open with a masked feeling of dread, her eyes found a young boy, finger hovering over the doorbell, and a man, probably in his late twenties at most, standing behind him.

"S-sorry about that," the man apologized, but Byleth could still hear the laugh in his voice. "Claude gets a bit excited. I tried to tell him to stop but he just kept going."

That wasn't a good sign for discipline. Byleth forced a small smile on her face, belying her true feelings of dread. "It's fine. As long as it isn't hurting anybody, I don't have a problem with it."

"Wow, really?" The boy, Claude, looked up at her with glimmering green eyes. He looked like she had just changed his entire world with her thoughtless, offhand comment. "I like you already!"

Byleth couldn't help the smile that tugged at her lips. "I'm glad to hear that."

Realizing she should have started asking the question back when Edelgard was dropped off, she turned towards the man standing behind Claude. "Is there anything I need to know or be prepared for?" Another thought came to her. "Oh, and does Claude have food or some toys packed with him?"

The man ruffled Claude's hair (with 'hey!'s and similar halfhearted protests from the boy) with a chuckle. "The kid's more nosy than he should be, but that's really it. And he should be packed with everything he needs for the day."

Claude leaned towards her, placing his hand besides his mouth to whisper to her. "Don't listen to him, it's good to know as much as you can." His mischievous smirk did nothing to quell Byleth's nerves. She had a feeling this kid would somehow get her killed.

She forced a laugh. "He's in good hands with me."

She was convincing the man as much as she was convincing herself. She could only see disaster in her near future.

"I wouldn't doubt it. Your father gave you the highest of praises when it comes to babysitting." The man smiled so genuinely at her, she couldn't find it in her to deny such claims. Jeralt really stretched for this one, but a job was a job and he had done it for her.

"I'm not all that, but I'll gladly take the compliment." Besides, it was nice to get praise every now and then. Even if it wasn't fully warranted.

"I guess we'll see after today," he mused, but it seemed he was only teasing her. He looked towards Claude with a warm smile. "Don't cause too much trouble, alright?"

The boy locked his fingers behind his head and leaned back leisurely. "No promises..."

The man sighed, returning his gaze to Byleth. "Good luck with the little rascal. If you need anything, my phone number is written inside his backpack."

Byleth nodded and they said their goodbyes. She led Claude into her house, closing the door behind her for the final time, and nearly ran into Edelgard and Dimitri, who hid behind the corner. They must have been watching her conversation.

"Hey, it's not nice to eavesdrop, you know." She frowned, placing a hand on her hip.

Dimitri hung his head in shame. The kid took her reprimands a little too seriously. Maybe she would have to talk with less harsh language. If that could even be considered harsh in the first place. But she had to remind herself that they were kids and took everything to heart. Well maybe not Claude - and definitely not Edelgard. Maybe it was just Dimitri? She'd probably find out by the end of the day.

Edelgard copied her pose instinctively. "It saves the time of introducing Claude to us."

Claude raised an eyebrow. "I still don't know you two."

Dimitri perked up instantly, as if he had never been upset in the first place. "I am Dimitri Alexandre Bla-"

Edelgard glared at him harshly. "You can just say Dimitri."

The blond shrunk under her violet gaze, grabbing his elbow in anxiousness. Byleth probably should reprimand Edelgard for being so blunt with Dimitri.

"Dimitri it is," Claude smiled, "and you are?"

The girl flipped her hair over her shoulder, acting like she was ten years older than she was. "Edelgard."

Byleth clicked her tongue, directing her eyes to the newest child of her babysitting collection. "Claude, I never asked - how old are you?"

He closed his eyes with a triumphant smile. "Seven." He opened one eye, emulating a wink. "I bet you thought I was older."

Truthfully, Byleth hadn't cared enough to guess. She figured they were all around the same age, so hopefully the day could go smoothly. Edelgard - silent, sassy, and blunt - was six; Dimitri - passionate, anxious, and princely - was also six. Claude - mischievous, charming, and charismatic - was seven. This was doable. All she had to worry about was if they would get along. Kids got along and became friends regardless of similar personalities and interests, right? They were _kids_.

And for the second time that day, Byleth didn't realize just how _wrong_ she could be about something.


	2. Beware The Slither-ers!

_A/N: I can't believe how much reception the first chapter received. Thank you all for reading and enjoying this fic. I love writing it and I'm glad people like reading it._

* * *

Byleth stood awkwardly in front of the three children, not sure what she should do. She could easily leave them to themselves, her hot coffee and new comic book awaiting her in the kitchen, but she knew that wasn't right. She would have to pull through until nap time to be by herself. Whatever. She could entertain them, she supposed.

She took a sweeping gaze over the three of them sitting before her. Edelgard had pulled out her book from her backpack, sitting cross-legged and focusing solely on its contents. It was... a pretty large book, actually. And there were no pictures? What kind of kid was this? That looked like the kind of book Byleth should have been reading for a school assignment.

Dimitri held his lion backpack close to his chest, chin tucked in the mane of the bag. He was staring at his blue shoes - Byleth realized belatedly that he was extremely color-coordinated, or maybe just _really_ liked the color blue - but his eyes seemed to not really be seeing them. He was probably lost in thought. ... Lost in thought about what? What do kids get lost in thought about? Maybe he was daydreaming about being a knight or a prince.

Claude was...

Wait.

Somehow, while she was looking over Edelgard and Dimitri, Claude had vanished. Panic had settled in her stomach but she hid it with a blank expression. "Edelgard, Dimitri," the two kids looked up at her, "h-have you seen Claude?"

Edelgard turned back to her book with little interest to Byleth's dilemma. "Isn't it your job to look after him?"

Byleth balled her hands into fists to prevent her from taking out her anger on a child. She decided to turn to Dimitri, who obviously seemed more likely to help than Edelgard.

Seeing her gaze fall onto him, Dimitri looked back towards his shoes. "N-no, but I could help you look for him?"

He didn't sound too confident. Edelgard really had taken the wind out of this kid's sails and left him a moping mess. And after he had worked up the courage to come here by himself and introduce himself with the utmost confidence! She would need to work on getting him back to himself.

Byleth let out a long exhale. "Edelgard, you stay here-" _because you obviously don't care about anything besides your book-_ "Dimitri, come with me."

Dimitri all but jumped to his feet. "Okay!"

Byleth almost felt a surge of whiplash at how fast he had perked up. He was painfully anxious and unconfident until he received any kind of positive reinforcement. It seemed that, as long as she kept Edelgard from slathering the boy with mean comments, he would be the most well-behaved and tolerable.

Edelgard hardly gave a response that she had heard Byleth, but she took Dimitri with her without a second glance. The girl wasn't running away anytime soon, that was for sure. Besides, this would get Dimitri away from Edelgard, and it was important to find Claude.

"Huh." The teenager cupped her elbow with her hand and put her other hand to her chin in a thoughtful look. Dimitri seemed to like theatrics, so she would play into this a little. "I wonder where Sir Claude has gone?"

She looked down at Dimitri, who seemed confused at her language. She decided to really get into character. She knelt down - still ending up slightly taller than him - and held out her hand to him. "Prince Dimitri Adrien Bracehelm-"

Dimitri's smile fell. "It's Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd-"

Byleth refound her vigor. "_Prince_ _Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd!_ Your fellow countryman is lost! What shall we do?"

The boy's face lit up, as though Byleth had not fumbled his ridiculously long name. "We have to find him! What if he's being attacked by monsters?"

Byleth couldn't help but smile. She turned towards the kitchen, cupping a hand around her ear. "Oh no, I think I hear growling from the kitchen!"

Edelgard, from the other side of the living room, didn't even take her eyes off her book. "I don't hear anything."

Byleth felt her eye twitch but refocused on her acting. "I think I see one in the kitchen," she took Dimitri's hand, "let's go check it out!"

Dimitri bounded on slightly behind her, but Byleth found his grip reassuring in her act. His grip was kind of tight, to be honest. Regardless, they made their way into the kitchen. Byleth glanced around, looking for Claude. When she didn't see the boy, she decided to look for anything that could pass as a "monster".

Spotting a blanket on the tiled floor, she pointed at it with a gasp. "Look, Dimitri! It's a... a..."

His blue eyes opened wide and he leaned closer to Byleth. "It's a slither-er!"

"Right, a slither-er!" She echoed, finding some stray bendy straws on the counter next to her microwave. "Your highness, catch!"

She threw him a blue bendy straw, which he blinked confusedly at before recognition lit up in his eyes. "My sword - thank you!"

Byleth held her green straw as if it were a sword. Now she would just swing it at the blanket and act like she was slaying the beast-

She stumbled back when the blanket _growled_.

Dimitri took a step forward, undeterred. "Don't worry, Miss Byleth! I'll save you!"

The teenager felt instinct creep into her thoughts. What was under that blanket? It couldn't have been a real monster. But what had growled at them? Maybe having Dimitri approach it was a bad idea.

"Dimitri, no-!"

Grubby hands sprang forward from under the shroud of the blanket, pulling Dimitri off his feet and onto the floor. Claude emerged from under the blanket with a laugh, a comic book in his hand - wait a minute that was _her_ comic book!

Her desire to swipe the book out of Claude's hands was pushed aside when she looked back at Dimitri, who was laying on his back and reaching his hands up weakly to cradle the back of his head. Tears were welling up in his eyes and he was sniffling to hold them back.

Instinctively, she reached down to Dimitri, picking him up and pulling his close to her chest. "It's okay now, please don't cry..."

She frowned down at Claude, who was wearing the blanket like a cape and was currently thumbing through her comic book. "Claude, you owe Dimitri an apology," she narrowed her eyes slightly, "and I want my comic book back."

"Sorry," Claude huffed, closing the book and walking to put it back on the table. He reached about the height of the table, so he had to get on his tippy toes to put it back. If she wasn't mad at him, she might have found it cute. "It looks like I can't have fun here."

Dimitri clutching her shirt served as a reminder of what Claude deemed _fun_. "Fun isn't hurting someone else, Claude. That's something bad people and monsters do."

The blond pressed his face into her shoulder. "I was gonna hurt him first-" His voice was muffled against the fabric of her shirt - and he was still sniveling, making it even harder to make out what he was saying. "Doesn't that mean _I'm_ the monster?" He clutched her shirt tighter. "I don't wanna be a monster, Miss Byleth, I don't wanna-!"

Byleth pressed a reassuring hand to Dimitri's back, rubbing circles into the blue fabric of his shirt to calm him down. She hoped it was calming him down, at least. She was really just winging this whole babysitting thing. And she still wanted a more meaningful apology from Claude, as the latter had seemed to say it offhandedly and not really mean it. With Dimitri holding onto her like she was his lifeline, she was left wondering if the pain from falling was that bad or if he was attached to her for some other reason.

She looked back to Claude. "Well now that we found you, we can go back to the living room." She said the next part with utmost sarcasm. "I'm _sure_ Edelgard is dying of boredom back there. She _definitely_ wants someone to talk to after being alone."

Byleth was sure she was getting a glare from the other room. Whatever. She couldn't care less if a six year old didn't like her. She turned back to Claude. "Can you go bother Edelgard or something?"

Claude, with that mischievous glint in his emerald eyes, scampered back to the living room. Good. That got Edelgard annoyed and Claude out of her hair. Now she could tend to Dimitri.

"Do you want ice to put on your head?" She asked with as much sympathy as she could muster. He _did_ hit the ground pretty badly if the _thud_ that resounded throughout the kitchen meant anything. She adjusted her grip to hold Dimitri slightly away from her to see his face. His fingers were still deeply gripped into her shirt. His eyes were still watery and he nodded with a sniffle. "Hold on a minute..."

Byleth prayed to the goddess that she could pull off this kind of multitasking as well as she pulled off doing homework and watching her TV shows at the same time. She used one hand to hold Dimitri and used the other to open the freezer. She looked around the best she could with one free hand, but after scouring the entire freezer she found no ice packs or even ice cubes that she could put into a zipper bag. Well. She would have to do this the old fashioned way and use a makeshift ice pack.

She reached for some paper towels, ripping them off the roll with slight difficulty with her one hand, and then grabbed a bag of frozen vegetables. She wrapped the bag with the paper towels and used her elbow to shut the freezer door. She placed the bag against the back of Dimitri's head, and she cringed when he winced back from the touch.

Tentatively, he took his hands off Byleth and reached up to hold the makeshift ice pack against the back of his head. Byleth, now with her hand free, readjusted her grip on the boy so he wouldn't fall and need another makeshift ice pack. She walked back to the living room, and the sight almost made her wish she never agreed to babysit at all.

Edelgard and Claude were currently on top of each other, punching and scratching at one another. Claude had a handful of Edelgard's hair in his hand, and Edelgard had dug her fingernails into Claude's arm. Instinctively, Byleth pushed Dimitri closer into her shoulder, hoping to shield him from the disaster unfolding before her.

She all but ran forward, kneeling down to their height. "What is going on here?"

Edelgard seemed to dig her fingernails deeper into Claude's arm, causing him to bite back a yelp. "He kept annoying me and then he stole my book!"

Claude tugged at her hair again, the purple ribbon dangling dangerously as it threatened to rip in half. "She was ignoring me. Edel needs to learn how to have fun once in a while!"

Dimitri pushed against her shoulder with one hand, the other still holding the laughable bag of frozen vegetables on his head. She took it as a sign to let him go, and he hopped onto the floor. For crying like a baby and holding onto his babysitter as if she were his lifeline previously, he looked back to normal - besides the stupid ice pack he was still holding to his head. "There's more important things to fight over than a book..."

Claude, perhaps angry over his scolding earlier, turned a harsh gaze to the blond. "Oh, shut it, binky boy," he looked back at Edelgard, pushing her book farther behind him and out of her reach. "And how about _you_ actually talk to us?"

Byleth didn't know how to react to this. Claude was encouraging Edelgard to interact with them... by stealing her book and fighting with her? And Edelgard certainly wasn't giving up without a fight. Poor Dimitri watched on powerlessly, but something told Byleth he wanted to get involved and stop the other two from fighting.

Dimitri, with a growl, all but threw the bag of frozen vegetables to the ground. He lunged forward, ripping Claude's arm away from Edelgard's hair and pulling Edelgard's hand away from Claude's arm. Everyone, including Byleth, seemed to be surprised by how easily Dimitri had broken the two of them apart from their fight, but the four sat in a tense silence until Dimitri finally spoke.

"S-sorry," he ducked his head in shame, and Byleth realized that she was back at square one with him, "I hope I didn't hurt you guys."

Claude handed Edelgard back her book but his full attention was on the other boy. "No, I shouldn't have started it in the first place."

Edelgard snatched the book back from him and watched weakly as her ribbon fell to the ground. Before she knew it, Byleth was walking around Dimitri and Claude to take the ribbon and retie it into Edelgard's hair.

"Maybe we should go take a walk," the teen suggested halfheartedly. Getting the kids out of the house might relieve the tension, but... she was also taking the kids out into the real world. If they started fighting out there, it certainly wouldn't look good.

Edelgard looked up at her, but her violet eyes didn't hold the sharpness Byleth had grown used to. "That doesn't sound bad, actually."

Claude ran a hand over the indents Edelgard had left in his skin with a frown. "Anything to get me out of his house."

Byleth didn't know if that was an insult to her and her house but she paid no mind to it. She looked back at Dimitri who, once again, was looking down at his shoes. "What about you, Dimitri? Is going for a walk okay?"

"If everyone else wants to," he muttered. Byleth had the desire to question him about his constant head-hanging, but she would rather do it without Edelgard and Claude there too. Maybe...

"There's a park a few blocks away, let's go there." She stood up to her full height, towering over the three kids. She didn't have any of those baby leashes to keep them together, so she would just have to pray that they stuck together and stayed in her sight. She walked back to the kitchen, pouring some coffee into a travel mug and grabbing the comic book that Claude had stolen from her earlier. She also put the frozen vegetables back in the freezer, seeing as Dimitri wasn't crying over his head injury anymore.

She saw the heap of small backpacks by her couch - a red and silver one, a blue lion one, and a plain yellow one - and slung them by one strap over her shoulder. If the kids needed anything while they were at the park, at least she would be prepared. She found one of her spare pocketbooks hanging off one of the living room chairs and put her book inside before slinging it over her other shoulder.

"Alright kids," she said with as much confidence as she could find, "be on your best behavior and don't make me regret this."

* * *

_A/N: This fic can be alternatively titled Dimitri Gets Bullied: The Fic. There'll be more shenanigans, but I'm still surviving band camp so not sure when I can get around to writing the next one. Until next time!_


	3. Playground Mishaps

_A/N: Sorry for the long break. College hit me like a bus and I hardly had any free time between classes and band. Regardless, I hope you enjoy the chapter :D_

* * *

Locking the door behind her, Edelgard and Dimitri stayed close by her side. Edelgard held her book in both hands and walked on the right besides Byleth, whereas Dimitri walked on her left and held her hand with his own; Claude walked in front of the three, per Byleth's request that she wanted to be able to see him so he wouldn't run away again. Honestly, Byleth had a strong feeling that she should invest into baby leashes if she was taking these kids out of her house.

They walked in the late morning sun, Dimitri tugging at her hand occasionally. Whenever the teenager would look down at the blond boy, he would always be looking away, making Byleth wonder if the kid had even been aware of his constant pulling. Edelgard seemed occupied with taking in her surroundings, perhaps never having seen this neighborhood before today, and Claude was practically _bounding_ ahead of them. Byleth had a feeling he was up to no good, but with Dimitri tugging at her and Edelgard hardly walking in step with her, Claude was an accident waiting to happen.

They rounded the corner and the park was in sight. Byleth could recall her own childhood memories from when Jeralt would take her here. She didn't have many friends to play with and the other kids there would be weirded out by how lacking her emotional expression was, so she mostly found herself playing by her lonesome. Now that she thought about it, it was mostly her father who would push her down the slide or push her on the swing or held her so that she could climb the monkey bars. A strange mix of nostalgia, love, loneliness, and sadness struck her and she hadn't realized that she had gripped Dimitri's hand back in her bout of emotion.

He glanced up at her with big, blue eyes. "Miss Byleth?"

Realizing what she had done, she fell back into her familiar poker face. "It's nothing. Let's hurry up and go to the park."

They stopped at the crosswalk, waiting for the light to turn red. Of course, when the light was still yellow and the cars were only slowing down, Claude began to run across the street. Byleth ran after him immediately with a shout, dragging Dimitri along with her and leaving Edelgard to follow closely behind. The cars honked and beeped at her, and all Byleth could do was yell out an apology before she finally caught Claude on the other side of the street.

"Claude!" She all but yelled, arm wrapped around him to keep him from running. "You can't keep running away from me - especially not into oncoming traffic!"

Edelgard sighed from behind her. "Maybe he's trying to get you killed."

Byleth was somewhat surprised at Edelgard's offhand comment about the prospect of death, but in retrospect, she shouldn't have been surprised. The girl was smart and no nonsense - only her age belied her capabilities. Dimitri stayed silent, averting his eyes.

Byleth recalled Claude's father mentioning that he would get too excited sometimes. He definitely seemed filled with boundless energy. She just wished he would contain that energy and not run across a street with cars raring to go on either side.

She took in a deep breath, reverting back to her expressionless demeanor. "Just... just don't do that again, alright?"

Byleth was sixteen, broke as it was, and had her whole life ahead of her. She didn't need charges for child abuse and negligence, and perhaps secondhand manslaughter. Claude seemed like a smart kid, surely he would understand not to endanger his life like that. Maybe his energy was so boundless that his wit couldn't compete with the raw adrenaline in his veins. Regardless, he - and the other two kids - were her responsibility and she could be held accountable should anything happen to them.

Nudging Claude forward, she began walking towards the park. Dimitri had taken her hand again whereas Edelgard walked close to her other side. As sassy as Edelgard could be, at least she was well-behaved and not running into oncoming traffic. Dimitri, on the other hand, had gotten back into his shell, all confidence forgotten. Byleth felt like a real babysitter would do a better job at keeping the kids in line and happy, but for it being her first day, she should have been grateful that she hadn't lost any of them. Yet. Emphasis on the _yet_, especially with the yellow-wearing rascal practically _bouncing_ in front of her.

Once they were on the playground, Claude ran off before she could even send the kids off. Edelgard left her side, book still in hand, and sat herself on one of the swings. Expectantly, Byleth looked to Dimitri, waiting for the kid to run off and do kid things with the other kids... like a kid was supposed to. His head was down and she could almost hear him muttering something.

"Dimitri?" His head shot up, mouth snapping shut when he met her eyes. "Aren't you going to go play?"

Byleth wanted to say that she wanted to send him off to enjoy her now-lukewarm coffee and comic book, but seeing the fear in Dimitri's blue eyes caused her to hesitate. Wasn't this kid confident? What had happened? He looked shaken to his core.

He glanced towards the playground briefly before looking back at his babysitter. "R-Right..."

He left before she could question it, stalking off to climb the ladder to the slide. Compared to Claude expending his energy by dangling from the monkey bars and even to Edelgard swinging slowly on the swing as she read, Dimitri looked like he was a prisoner walking to his execution. Byleth felt sick to her stomach. What kind of kid could be so unhappy at a park? He looked downright miserable.

Byleth, not sure what to do out of inexperience in babysitting and, perhaps, emotional support in general, found herself seated on a nearby bench where she could still see the three kids. She set their backpacks beside her and began to sip at her travel mug. She wasn't sure she liked having such a big responsibility, to be honest. She'd much rather be cutting lawns or being the local granny's tech support. She wasn't sure she could handle being in charge of children, especially when these three obviously didn't get along as well as she hoped.

"Edel," Claude began, chubby hands pulling him through the gaps in the monkey bars so that he was sitting with his legs folded beneath him. The girl looked up, slowing her swing with a small seed of curiosity. Claude leaned backwards, legs wrapped around the wood supporting the bars, leaving his torso to dangle upside-down above Edelgard. He put his hands on his head, splaying his fingers so they looked like deer antlers. "Bet you can't do this."

Edelgard cringed at his wink, turning her amethyst gaze back to her book with a disinterested expression on her face. "I bet I can't - and I'd rather not risk the injury."

Claude frowned, crossing his arms across his chest. "You're no fun." He debated on hopping down and ripping the book from her hands for the second time that day, but he refrained. The blood was beginning to flow to his head and his impulse control was going with it.

Byleth continued reading, missing the conversation between the two kids. She figured there would be yelling or crying if something was wrong, so if none of the three were trying to get her attention, she was sure nothing was wrong. Edelgard seemed content with her book, Claude had all of these mediums to expend his energy, and Dimitri… well. Maybe Byleth needed to keep an eye on him.

She glanced up from her comic book, half surprised to see Claude dangling upside-down from the monkey bars but honestly she should have expected it. He seemed to be trying to get Edelgard's attention, but the girl seemed extremely more interested in her book than in Clause's shenanigans. Dimitri was sitting at the top of the slide, obstructed by the small house-like structure at the top that connected the slide with the other playground attractions. Only his shoes stuck out of the structure, bright blue contrasting against the dull plastic and worn-out wood.

She looked longingly at her comic book. She had to be a good babysitter, didn't she? With a wistful sigh, she shoved her bookmark in between the pages before placing the book down on the bench next to her. She took one last swig of coffee before walking towards the small building at the top of the slide.

"Dimitri?" She asked, a small seed of concern lacing her tone. She climbed up the pegs of the ladder two at a time until she could see the inside of the platform. "Is everything okay?"

The boy turned away from her, hiding his face. His arms were crossed and grabbing at his sides, almost like he was trying to keep warm. It was a warm summer day, there was no way he could be cold. Maybe he was sick? He wasn't sick when she had brought the kids here all of fifteen minutes ago.

She heard him mutter, still facing away from her. Byleth decided to pull herself up into the room, dragging her knees so that she could fit and not hit her head. She was starting to worry. "Dimitri?"

He jumped, seeming to hear her for the first time. He turned to her, eyes wide with fear and hands trembling. "M-Miss Byleth!"

Byleth found herself crawling towards him, placing her hands on his forearms. He shuddered at her touch and - _Goddess he was freezing!_ He looked pale - more pale than usual - and honestly, he looked like a beaten puppy. Before remembering herself, she pulled him into a hug, hoping to warm him up and give him comfort through… whatever was ailing him.

They stayed like that in silence for a while, Dimitri's chubby fingers gripping at her shirt as he pressed his face into her shoulder. Byleth let him, some kind of motherly instinct rooting her in place, and figured she would wait until the boy pulled away.

Of course, Claude had decided to try and play on the slide at that moment. He froze at the top of the ladder with an overly-thematic gasp. "Dimi and Miss Byleth are a thing!"

Byleth blinked before the words registered. By the time that they did, Dimitri was already pushing away from her, his face beet red. He was fumbling with his fingers, acting like he wasn't just gripping to his babysitter like she was his entire world. Byleth turned to Claude to correct him, but by the time she turned, the energetic rascal was gone. She glanced around wildly, realizing that _Dimitri_ was gone as well. How had she lost _two_ kids in all of five seconds?

Dimitri had all but thrown himself down the slide, trying to escape the situation. Claude, watching the motion, jumped down the ladder and into the wood and pellets that lined the playground. He ran towards the blond boy, tackling him to the ground.

"Did you two kiss?" He asked wildly, panting from the excursion. Dimitri, although he could easily fling the other boy off, let his lethargy consume him. He lay flat, defeated, limbs splayed underneath Claude. He pressed his forehead to the ground, feeling the small bits of wood prick at his skin and leave marks.

"No, of course not," he rebutted weakly. His face was still red, embarrassment from being found about to cry (_again_, he reminded himself bleakly) but also from… something else? He thought of Byleth's warmth but shooed the thought away when the idea of hugging her again made his ears go red.

Claude, as intuitive as always, felt a sly grin crawl into his face. "You definitely like her."

Dimitri turned his head as best he could, only able to see Claude's dangling braid. "No I don't!" He frowned. "And please get off me before I throw you off."

Claude seemed to remember Dimitri's accidental strength from when the blondie had torn Claude and Edelgard apart earlier, and crawled off of Dimitri with little thought. Whatever. He had new intel and the thought of knowing someone else's secret made him feel almost giddy.

Edelgard glanced over at the two, oblivious to what had happened before Claude got to his feet and off Dimitri. "Is there a reason you two are there?"

Claude locked his fingers behind his head, leaning backwards leisurely. "What, are we not allowed on the playground?"

Dimitri pushed himself up to his knees, brushing wood pellets off his legs with slight annoyance. "Maybe she's talking about you tackling me."

Claude raised his eyebrows with a lopsided grin. "Is there any laws against it?"

The blond immediately went to say no but held his tongue. _Were_ there any laws prohibiting tackling children at a playground? He was six, he didn't know these things! He hoped Claude wouldn't get in trouble - worse, get _Miss Byleth_ in trouble.

Edelgard spoke before his thoughts could catch up. "Not unless they were approved fairly recently," she placed her bookmark adorned with cute stickers of birds before standing up from her seat on the swings. "Why don't you guys try the swings instead of trying to kill each other?" While she seemed indifferent, the true meaning of her words was sincere.

"And what will I get out of this?" Claude asked with a mischievous glint in his verdant eyes, but he was already striding towards the swings. Kids were still kids.

Edelgard leveled him with an even stare, violet gaze piercing. "A good time?" She meant it as a statement but the lilt in her voice made it sound more like a question. Claude was truly an enigma to her.

She turned back to Dimitri, who continued to stand off to the side and wring his hands together. Something about how bashful he was irked her. Wasn't he supposed to be confident and charismatic? "Are you coming over here or not?"

Dimitri's eyes widened, surprised that he was being talked to. He had been zoning out and hardly even realized that Edelgard had been addressing him in the first place. He averted his eyes, embarrassment creeping up his face. "I uh…" _How could he put this without sounding stupid?_ "I need someone to push me…"

He frowned when Claude stifled a laugh and Edelgard sighed in disappointment. "How pathetic," she muttered, but then the malice left her voice. "Do you want me to push you?"

Dimitri shuffled his feet, blue shoes contrasting against the dull colors of the ground, unwilling to make eye contact. "I would like that."

Claude, somehow back at his side, slang an arm across his shoulders. "Wowie! You somehow melted the ice queen's heart!"

Edelgard went red in the face, stamping her foot. "I am _not_ an ice queen!"

Claude gave another one of his trademark winks as he took a seat on one of the swings. "Coulda fooled me."

Edelgard huffed, crossing her arms with a pout as Dimitri made his way over to the swing she had been sitting in. "Whatever."

Dimitri sat down, hands around the chains. He hated being between Edelgard and Claude; they always seemed to be fighting and he would get caught in the middle of it. He liked Miss Byleth, he just wished it was just him and not the other two. Was that wrong? Maybe.

His thoughts were forgotten once Edelgard began to push him and he gripped onto the chains on the swing like his life depended on it. "N-Not so high!"

Edelgard pushed harder and he could hear the annoyance in her voice. "You're only a foot above the ground at _most_!"

Claude was already going twice as high as Dimitri, legs swinging beneath him like he was a natural. Maybe he would make a good stuntman with how little things he feared. He had one hand on the bars and the other straight up, like he was on a roller coaster or something. "C'mon, Dimi! There's nothing to be afraid of!"

He continued to crush the metal beneath his fingers, knuckles going white with how tight he was holding on, and the weightlessness in his stomach almost made him feel woozy. Edelgard continued to push him, going higher and higher until he was almost starting to like the feeling. This wasn't so bad after all!

Suddenly, Edelgard screamed. Before Dimitri could look back at her, she pushed him with more force than she had been giving him and was running away. "Edelgard? What's wrong?"

"RAT!" She screamed, her voice an octave higher than usual. "KEEP IT AWAY FROM ME!"

Dimitri tried to look down to see the rodent, but he realized too late that looking down was a mistake. The ground seemed to be fifty feet below him and fear filled his veins, anxiety bubbling in his stomach as he watched himself get further and further away from the ground. Before he knew it, he was crying, holding onto the chains for dear life and begging for mercy.

Claude, unfazed by Edelgard's screaming and Dimitri's crying, knelt down and began to poke at the rat with a stick he found. The rat headbutted the stick but Claude continued to get its attention. He stuck his tongue out in concentration, eyes narrowed in determination. In a flash, he grabbed the rat, holding its torso between his hands. He perked up instantly. "Gotcha!"

He hid the creature by closing his palms together, making his way towards Edelgard, who seemed like she was only beginning to calm down. "Hey Edel, I got you a present."

The girl, still panting from her screaming, looked to him with weary eyes. "A present?"

He opened his palms, presenting the rat to her. "Surprise! It's Mr. Twitch!"

Edelgard began to scream again, running away from Claude. Of course, Claude began to chase her with Mr. Twitch around the playground.

Perhaps being attracted by all the noise, Byleth approached the swing set. Claude was chasing around a screaming Edelgard with a rat in his hands and Dimitri was crying to himself as he swung dangerously high on the swings.

She needed more coffee, a raise, and divine help from the Goddess Sothis.

* * *

_A/N: I would apologize for making so much of the focus Dimitri but I'm BIASED ALRIGHT. And I feel like the scene at the end is like the gif of the guy walking in with the pizza and the room is on fire. Byleth, I don't think you're very good at this job..._


End file.
